Sometimes i just want to die

I can’t breathe. Is death better than life? Am I better off dead? I disappoint and lie to so many people maybe I’m making it worse than better for them. 

People want to know the answers to all these serious questions, answers I don’t have and it overwhelms me. I just want to kill myself and be done with this world. But what’s the garuntee that I won’t have the same problems in the afterlife? 

When I started feeling this way I wanted to journal but I’m in transit right now and didn’t have a pen. So what could i do? This is the only other place i could think of that i could be honest and vent.

I want to die right now so bad. What’s there to live for?