I can’t breathe. Is death better than life? Am I better off dead? I disappoint and lie to so many people maybe I’m making it worse than better for them.
People want to know the answers to all these serious questions, answers I don’t have and it overwhelms me. I just want to kill myself and be done with this world. But what’s the garuntee that I won’t have the same problems in the afterlife?
When I started feeling this way I wanted to journal but I’m in transit right now and didn’t have a pen. So what could i do? This is the only other place i could think of that i could be honest and vent.
I want to die right now so bad. What’s there to live for?
To be honest I don’t know what to write. The idea that I can share my thoughts freely on here and without shame is still shocking to me. I get to tell the truth on here and not lie… something I’ve been doing my entire life.
I guess I’ll start by introducing myself. My name is “anonymous,” I’m an artist, a writer, dancer, an insecure person, someone that still doesn’t know how to love herself, & I’m a liar.
I remember when I first started lying a lot too, i was 11 years old and it was my first time at a camp with children that were from single family homes, low income families, all in all these kids had a very different life style. I found the things they did and said way more interesting than my homeschooled life at the time. I made up stories, lied about things i did, but it wasn’t the lies but the fact that i continued lying almost everyday for the next two years. By the time i was a teenager i didn’t know what was true coming out of my mouth anymore. Even i began to not trust myself.